Rime

Category: Writers Block

Post 1 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Sunday, 18-Mar-2007 11:36:29

It's the first frost of the year and there you lie
sleeping soundly
peaceful like a child
It's night's like these I remember
why I fell in love.

Something about how we fit together keeping each other warm
and how I'd gladly spend eternity hand in hand,holding you close.
It's truly beautiful how our kisses are shrouded in vapour
How we can see our words and how they linger in the air.
As if to hold their meaning forever while we tighten our grip.

The world is plunged into ice and snoww but like a widow covering her flower, we protect each other from thwe howling winds and offer shelter from the cold.

That's why on this coldest night
I fear no chill
I hate no wind
For while my body may shiver
and my fingers grow numb
My trembling lips will always find yours
and will never speak another name.

Post 2 by Musical Ambition (I've got the gold prolific poster award, now is there a gold cup for me?) on Sunday, 18-Mar-2007 11:45:54

This is good. To me, it speaks of a very deep and amazing love.

Post 3 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Monday, 19-Mar-2007 9:11:23

It's not bad.
You could be right though I see the lovers as two vampires, because they wouldn't need to worry about exposure to the cold.

Post 4 by jessmonsilva (Taking over the boards, one topic at a time.) on Monday, 19-Mar-2007 9:49:58

this is a very deep, chilling, yet warm poem at the same time.

Post 5 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Monday, 19-Mar-2007 10:25:53

Thank you it was inspired by the weather here it's perishing

Post 6 by BaritoneAu (Regular Zoner) on Monday, 19-Mar-2007 13:11:20

A very deep and inspiring poem, I agree, but what happened to the rime/rhyme; as per subject????

Post 7 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Tuesday, 20-Mar-2007 8:55:50

Rime. spelled r.i.m.e is type of frost, it's a fitting title don't you think .

Post 8 by dream lady (move over school!) on Wednesday, 21-Mar-2007 5:11:41

Wow Goblin. You're awesome.

Post 9 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Wednesday, 21-Mar-2007 9:11:52

Cheers
It has been said once or twice..smile

Post 10 by blbobby (Ooo you're gona like this!) on Wednesday, 21-Mar-2007 10:06:36

Now that you've explained the title it makes more sense.

I like it. The vampire image is good, dark to correspond with the night and the weather.

Thanks for posting it.

Bob

Post 11 by Goblin (I have proven to myself and the world that I need mental help) on Wednesday, 21-Mar-2007 10:08:15

Hmm I thought you didn't like dark but thank you

Post 12 by Siriusly Severus (The ESTJ 1w9 3w4 6w7 The Taskmaste) on Wednesday, 06-Feb-2008 19:17:29

Well, you need more punctuation and if everything seems odd, use a comma.

Good over all.